There's more here to consider, however.  This young child will have to key in this name with his or her thumb-tips. Hawaiian resident Janice Kokelani Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele (double-check my h's and u's, please) complained until the state government expanded the character limit on IDs.


How about those initials? Take a few seconds, will you, and check for unsavory reactions when your kid initials that home mortgage or college application. Don't forget that when it goes on towels, the last two letters are transposed.


Now I remember when I was a kid and my brother and I were given baby bunnies for Easter. He named his “Snowy” and mine was “Inky.” These were good, practical, descriptive names. When Snowy gave birth, there were no sudden gender changes required. If you think about the people you hold dear, couldn't you probably come up with an appropriate, descriptive name by adding a “y” to a noun? Sort of like Snow White's dwarfs? Smile”y”, Giggle”y”... etc. I could think of one for my ex-mother-in-law right off the bat.


I recently considered taking back my maiden name. I have a birth certificate with my footprints, a state driver's license, social security card, report cards since the second grade and about two hundred people I went to school with who will swear to my identity. It seems, however, that my maiden name no longer belongs to me; sort of like a domain I let expire. In order to redeem it, I have to get a criminal check and ask a judge's permission, not to mention pay out roughly $400 in various fees. The ironic part, however, is that if I go through this process, I can take any name I care to; there are no limits.


I could become:
Kim Kokelani Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele. 
I have to admit, it is tempting.

What's in a Name?


I realize the world's population is growing all the time and in the face of anonymity, parents are striving to give their children some sense of originality. But parents, c'mon now...there are limits.


Selecting a name is a very serious business. You are endowing a person with a lifetime of identity. This child will not only have to repeat these words millions of times, but be able to spell a crowded room where everyone is listening in. Is it fair to make them articulate Sk-i-p-p-y? I heard from an obstetrics nurse friend that her patient that day named her daughter V-i-r-g-i-n-a. Yes, go back and check that spelling. Was it deliberate? You'd have to ask the mother; and while you're at it ask her how it came that she was nine months pregnant and didn't know it until she checked into the ER with cramps. They really should keep a Webster's in the maternity ward.








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